Jews on the Moon
planet Earth has become too dangerous...
Satire by Gilad Atzmon
Jews around the world are so excited this week! On Tuesday, Israel announced that it will launch its first mission to the moon in December 2018.
Most Jewish organization have accepted that planet Earth has become too dangerous for the sons and the daughters of Israel. The decision to launch a spacecraft to the moon was triggered by an online poll conducted by the Global Campaign Against anti Jewish Bigotry (CAAJB). It revealed that one in six Jews (17%) reported feeling unwelcome on Earth. The online poll also found that 31.8% of world Jews had considered moving to another planet, preferably the moon, a rise from 28.2% recorded in last year’s CAAJB’s poll.
Various Zionists organisations have welcomed the new Jewish cosmic adventure. Zionists promised to make Jews into ‘people like all other people.’ Israel vowed to bring to life a new Hebrew, to eradicate the ghetto wall, to make the Israelite loving and beloved. However, the images of hundreds of Israeli snipers shooting unarmed Palestinian youngsters don’t reflect well on the Jewish State. The walls Israel surrounded itself with also suggest that Zionism didn’t really solve the Jewish problem, it just moved it to a new location.
A new Jewish planet in outer space provides new hope for people who have suffered throughout their history. For the first time, Jews will be astronauts like all other cosmonauts.
Jewish Voice for Peace and the three other Jewish anti Zionists from Brooklyn were also thrilled by the announcement of the Israeli space program. “A planet with no people for people who control the senate ” read the headline of JVP’s press release yesterday.
The Israeli mission’s first task will be to stick an Israeli flag on the moon. Once this mission is accomplished the space craft will plant pine trees all over the moon to remind the Hebrew newcomers of the Mount Carmel forest they left behind. The pine trees were similarly planted in Mount Carmel to remind early Zionists of the East European shtetles they left behind.
The expedition will be launched by rocket from Elon Musk’s SpaceX firm this December, and it’s expected to land on the moon in February, just a few days ahead of Purim.
The new Moonrael anthem is already here (Mel Brooks' Jews in Space) :
We're Jews out in space
We're zooming along
protecting the Hebrew race
We're Jews out in space
If trouble appears
we put it right back in its place
When goyim attack us
We give 'em a smack
we'll slap them right back in the face
We're Jews out in space
We're zooming along
protecting the Hebrew race (Stavro Arrgolus)
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